Menu

BOOTLICKER

"Get back to work, you muppets."

My Comrade’s Opinion’s on Battlefront 2 (2017)

  • I hate that the game doesn’t tell you what your ping is.
  • I hate that the chat box is so unresponsive that you have to wait a little bit to type into it.
  • I hate that you can throw a grenade, watch it go out, but if you die shortly thereafter, the grenade magically vanishes.
  • I hate that if you’re using a hero that has no lightsabre, you can get stunlocked by someone that does, and you can’t even roll out of the way while under attack. You just get to stand there and die.
  • I hate that squads are so meaningless and buggy, that you can get your 2x multiplier without being anywhere near your squadmates.
  • I hate that there is no communication. No voice macros. No teamwork. No voice comms. – Nothing.
  • I hate that the LAAT can fuck people up so quickly, even if it is made of paper. They’ll just respawn it again immediately with how easy it is to get points in the damn thing.
  • I hate how on Endor you can spend all game saving up BP for a hero only to immediately get run over by some fucker on a speeder bike.
  • I hate how when spawning a starfighter the spawn can be camped so easily that you can almost be destroyed before you can move.
  • I hate that there are no effective ground-to-air weapons.
  • I hate that starfighter dogfights come down to whoever has the highest turn rate.
  • I hate that the starfighter hitboxes are so badly done that you are regularly instantly destroyed by nothing at all.
  • I hate that in the LIAV and Speeders, the vertical axis aiming is completely fucked up and unresponsive. Fuck know’s why.
  • I hate that on Jakku, First Order specialists can snipe directly into the resistance’s spawn.
  • I hate that you can’t check your milestone progress while ingame.
  • I hate that infiltrate’s revealing of enemies on the radar just seems to stop working for entire matches for no reason, regardless of enemy jammers.
  • I hate that when in overtime capturing two points, as soon as you capture one of the points, if you don’t have someone contesting the other point, you immediately lose. You are essentially punished for capturing a point in this situation.
  • I hate that if you save up a lot of BP, but beat the enemy too easily, you don’t get to use that BP because the match ends too early. Winning feels like losing.
  • I hate that the game’s aesthetics are so amazing, but the game, level and UI design are so awful.
  • I hate how often when being attacked, there is no fucking feedback at all beyond your health dropping.
  • I hate that on maps like Yavin, you can grind up shitloads of BP by just farming those stupid AI starfighters. You even get “playing the objective” points sometimes for it. WAT.
  • I hate that EA won’t just fucking put in some fucking decent cosmetics. Pink Vader? Shut the fuck up.
  • I hate how you even when the phase transition has already begun, you can still spawn a vehicle that isn’t available in the next phase only to be told immediately after fucking spawning it that you are only going to be able to have it for thirty fucking seconds. JUST DISABLE IT AS SOON AS THE PHASE TRANSITION BEGINS JESUS CHRIST.
  • I hate that my Chewbacca is level 17 or some shit even though I haven’t unlocked him because of this ass-backwards random lootbox starcard bullshit progression system.
  • I hate how useless imbalanced so many of the skills are. Blaster turrets are so shit. Homing shot is useless. There are just a few starcards for every class that everyone gravitates to.
  • I hate how there’s no feedback for cooperative actions. Like the “Officer’s Presence” starcard that reduces hp regen delay for nearby allies. Nearby? HOW CLOSE? How is it that you only know that it’s working because your +BP number goes up? Why not a little BP pop-up like when you get a kill or assist or something? Fuck me dead.
  • I hate how ALLIES are sometimes outlined in RED as though they’ve been spotted? This shit is fucking confusing.
  • I hate how when you tag an enemy with thermal binoculars, they don’t stay outlined for YOU. Like how are you supposed to know whether you’ve spotted them for other people, or that the spotting is even working?
  • I hate that Darth Vader literally has an ability you should almost never use because it’ll just get you killed. Imagine all the poor newbies that are all giddy for the first time getting to play Vader, only to get themselves killed because they try to choke someone. Fucking terrible gameplay experience right here.
  • I hate how unresponsive the UI is in the main menus. You have to wait for all the damn animations to ‘settle’ before you can click anything. It’s irritating.
  • I hate how if you start up the game, then go to the multiplayer menu too quickly, the game goes WHOAA HOLD YOUR HORSES BUDDY and sends you back to the main menu, sometimes causing you to click on some shit you didn’t mean to.
  • I hate how if you change your region in the options, it will reset itself back to your default region seemingly at random. It’s 2017. Make your fucking settings persist.
  • I hate how many people are afk farming credits.
  • I hate that if the teams are imbalanced and a bunch of people leave one team, the underpopped team just has to suck it up and get destroyed for the rest of the match.
  • I hate that there is no team scrambling at all when pop imbalance occurs.
  • I hate that there is no votekick for cheaters, afkers, etc.
  • I hate that the only way to know whether there are no games up for a game mode is click on the option for that mode, wait a little bit to see if it finds a game and cancel, BUT DON’T WAIT TOO LONG, because then you’re gonna be loading a level and sitting in a game all by yourself.
  • I hate that I’ve done all the milestones in the ‘multiplayer’ category but I can’t claim the fucking last one anyway.
  • I hate that there is third person and first person perspective. Everyone just corner peeks like in PUBG and shit.
  • I hate how you hit escape to know what map it is. Just put it on the fucking scoreboard like every other game jfc.
  • I hate how the specialist’s A280 has a dual zoom attachment. It’s not a fucking sniper rifle. This is like a fuckin joke.
  • I hate how occasionally the chat just scrolls up on its own. LIKE FUCKIN WHY.
  • I hate how when someone shoots you from in front of you, the damage marker is.. to your side..

This game.

This fucking game.

New Game Idea: My Name is Liam and This is a Downturn

Liam has to go around and stop Alliance branches and other groups from mobilising.

He has different powers he can use against groups:

  • Ideological powers, advocating evolutionism
  • Physical force: bash up stalls
  • Bargaining powers: Liam does horrible union deals
  • Political powers: persuasion against political plans

Could be like a stealth game, breaking into branch meetings and getting on the speaking list.

More Game Ideas

  1. Laika Spreads Communism
    1. The first animal in space flies around the galaxy establishing contact with alien planets and teaches them about the wonderful ways of socialism.
  2. The Long March
    1. A silly tankie tried to re stage Mao’s long march. The game begins with poorly compressed wavetable at thesis.
    2. I imagine it will be a cross between a platformer and a walking simulator.
    3. When you get to the end, Mao tells you to go back the other way, the way you came.

Another Video Game Idea

My supervisor keeps making fun of me for wearing non-practical hats like berets, so I can going to make a game called “Richard the Scab”.

The point will be to break through a picket line and do work at a university while a strike is on. More to follow. I think the game should be pretty simple. You just have to avoid moving blocks of obstacles in order to get to the top of the screen. The final boss battle will be against a giant beret.

Music Cassette Review: A Band Called Horse

“Shooting Up – Is Fucking Cool”

This is a terrible music cassette. Both sides of the tape have strange ambient humming. There is no discernible music or structured content on this entire tape. It feels as if this tape was recorded while some people strummed a guitar and played electronic sounds across the other side of the room. It really feels as if the noise was recorded on the other side of a living room because the audio level on this tape is very quiet.

I would not recommend buying this tape. I assume you’re meant to do some drugs while listening to this tape because the sounds on the tape seem pointless. There does not appear to be any discernible meaningful content on this tape if you listen to it while you are sober, which is what I did.

The cassette shell has some interesting colourful artwork, so that’s a plus.

Personally, I think this cassette was a waste of money, and I would not recommend anyone to buy it.

The cassette was distributed through Albert’s Basement. Apparently it was recorded in 2004, by the bandĀ A Band Called Life, as a promotion for one of their album or single releases. You can find the listing on the website in the website’s store.

A Game About Mega Churches

This will be a game about reversing the indoctrination of people as they exit mega churches to vote NO in the marriage equality survey.

  1. People will spew out of a moving mega church in a circular motion in 8 directions.
  2. You must use a Cultural Marxism Ray to change the colour of the “pellet-people”.
  3. When the pellet-people reach the edge of the border, a good colour will increase the player’s score, a bad colour increase the NO-vote score.
  4. There will be Catholic Archbishops moving around the screen laying Incense Mines to slow down the player.

More Detailed Ideas for a Game About Revolution

  1. Quick skill tester game to determine the initial strength of your revolutionary forces
  2. Your guerrillas follow you in a line, and the length of the line is determined by the skill tester
    1. OR the guerrillas could be displayed as icons on a panel on the bottom of the screen
  3. You’ve now landed on a beach. You need to avoid detection. This is a stealth mini-game. You need to sneak past Batista’s soldiers combing the beach. You have three grenades you can use to stun guards and sneak past them. It is a maze.
  4. Next you must attract a peasant guide. There will be several screens you can traipse through, and you will come across a randomly generated number of peasants. Each peasant you come across will have a randomly generated level of sympathy for you.
    1. Most peasants will not trust you, and will transform into a group of Batista soldiers you need to run away from. The soldiers will chase you until you run through three screens. You can use grenades to slow their path.
    2. The number of revolutionaries you have with you will determine the average level of sympathy peasants will have for you. This is just a guide. The lower the number of revolutionaries you have, the more erratic the distribution of sympathy will be among the peasants.
    3. Peasants will be coloured according to their sympathies. The more red their colour, the more sympathetic. The more brown, the more likely they will be to be an informant.
    4. There will be randomly generated groups of Batista soldiers in the mountains, and these soldiers you can defeat. If any kind of Batista soldier touches you, you will lose HP on your guerrillas. Each guerrilla has 3 HP.
      1. If you touch a group of roaming Batista soldiers, you enter another skill tester game.
      2. Your number of guerrillas will face off against the randomly generated number of soldiers.
      3. You face off as two snaking single-file lines of soldiers. The point of the game is to shoot the other line of soldiers starting from the end of the line. The soldiers snake from the top to the bottom of the screen, and then snake around the screen. You can move your line of guerrillas anywhere around the screen, and you shoot in the direction you last moved.
      4. When you shoot the end of a line of soldiers, they break off the line and then fire at you when you enter their 90 degree field of vision.
      5. There will most likely be anywhere from 3 to 5 soldiers.
      6. Once you have separated all the snaking Batista soldiers, you enter a new phase and must grenade them. Once they are grenaded they disappear and you re-enter the jungle.
      7. Each soldier you have has 3 HP. If they get hit they turn progressively black, and when they lose all their HP they drop off your line, and it becomes one soldier shorter.
      8. If you lose all your soldiers in this mini game, you are returned to the jungle with one of your soldiers having lost 1 HP
      9. If you manage to beat all the Batista soldiers, you have the chance to recruit a new revolutionary from the jungle.
    5. The lower down the mountain range, the more Batista soldiers. The distribution of peasants will be even, however.
  5. A peasant with high affinity will lead you right to the other side of the Sierra Maestra, to the next battle, the Battle of Las Platas
  6. A peasant with a low amount of affinity will take you part of the way there before ditching you. There will be an animation showing the peasant guide ditching you, and returning you back to the Jungle, where you must repeat the process of finding a new guide.

THE BATTLE OF LAS PLATAS

  1. This will be like a tower defence game.
  2. There will be three waves.
  3. First wave: three snake/lines of Batista soldiers. Second wave: three snakes, then two snakes shortly afterwards. Third wave: A very strong/thick snake that takes three times as much damage.
  4. Defeating a snake of soldiers will add bonus guerrilla sentries.
  5. You will use a cursor to

Video Game Ideas

  1. The debates on Facebook with men who use millions of simulations in their minds as evidence for arguments.
  2. Extortionate landlords, and fighting back against extortionate landlords
  3. Fetch quests
    1. A Game about smuggling weapons
  4. Something about the Cuban Revolution.
    1. Landing the Granma
    2. Chavatos betraying the revolutionaries
    3. Che unifying the various groups of revolutionaries
  5. CIA plotting to overthrow theĀ Arbenz government in Guatemala in 1954
  6. Marching after a demo/rally, and having to avoid the cops
  7. An adventure game about rallying the nation to have a revolution
    1. Different stages of the revolution are:
      1. Winning reforms
      2. Defeating a coup
      3. Expropriating the bosses

The Best Games I Can Think Of

These are the best games I have ever played. I only included games which I have actually played!

  • Yar’s Revenge (2600)
  • Berzerk (2600)
  • Commando (2600)
  • River Raid (2600)
  • Dark Chambers (2600)
  • ADOM (PC)
  • Crash Bandicoot Series (PlayStation 1) (Although I hated the games as a child because they were far too difficult. It took me half a decade to complete the game. I thought that there was something wrong with me for not being able to master the game. It took until my cousins from overseas came for me to progress to the next world of Crash 2. I couldn’t believe my luck when they completed the first world for me.)
  • Yoshi’s Island (SNES) (Was way better than Super Mario World)
  • Red Faction: Guerilla (PS3) (Possibly my favourite game)
  • Banjo Kazooie (N64)
  • Banjo Tooie (N64)
  • Yooka Laylee (XBONE)
  • Digimon: Rumble Arena (PS1) (Not actually a good game, but I still had loads of fun with it)
  • Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64) (I loved the open world feeling to this game. I spent so much time in this game doing nothing of consequence. For most of my childhood I never got past the first three dungeons. My brother completed the game several times, however. The artistic direction in this game is simply amazing.)
  • Exhumed/Powerslave (Saturn) (An amazing Doom clone)
  • Mischief Makers (N64)
  • Zelda: Link’s Awakening DX (GBC)
  • Double Dragon 2 (NES)
  • Mega Man 2 (NES)
  • Shenmue (DC)
  • Day of Defeat 1.6 (PC)
  • Day of Defeat Source (PC)
  • Adventure (2600)
  • Mario Kart (N64)
  • Super Mario 64 (N64)
  • Ikari Warriors (NES)
  • Earthworm Jim (Megadrive)
  • Magic Carpet (Saturn)
  • Sonic Series (Megadrive)
  • Sonic CD (Mega CD)
  • The Division (XBONE)
  • DOOM (XBONE)
  • Destiny (XBONE)
  • Pokemon Gold (GBC)

That’s all I can think of!

My Old Laptop

The portable computer I carry around with me isn’t a tablet, it’s an old laptop from 2011. It’s a Dell Inspiron. It has quite possibly been the most reliable computer I have ever had in my life. It has had multiple Linux distributions on it, and I have brought it with me to multiple different countries and continents.

I have a consumerist streak in me, so I was thinking about replacing it the other day, but the more I contemplated the issue the less I supported my original intention. This laptop has served me well, and I’d be very upset if it ever stopped working.

The last laptop I had was the exact same model, and I had to replace it with this one in 2014 because I dropped it and the screen ssmashed. I had an embarrassing moment at the repair shop when they linked the broken computer to a monitor and saw all the communist websites I had been browsing. Very funny.

In any case, I am now exhausted. I just had a long party branch meeting and I am getting up early tomorrow morning to hand in my nomination forms to go on the ballot paper for the local council election I am running in.

I should probably write more about that.